The Universe delivers messages in many interesting ways. Recently I was deep into the fight with Balboa Press and feeling incredibly helpless about promoting my book. I was so glad to know that I had a vacation coming so I could rest and hopefully restore my energy. Before I left town I felt distressed and disappointed in myself for not being able to get things to work.
Fast forward a couple of days and I was having the time of my life in New Mexico, visiting with friends and drinking in the beauty of nature and the art that is there. My inner child was wildly happy and since I was on vacation, I gave her permission to really just have fun. I delighted in everything. I was happy when I was napping and happy when I was racing from art gallery to art gallery. I was happy when we went out to favorite restaurants and happy the night we stayed in with pizza. I was simply happy and in the zone and feeling that life was supporting my every dream.
Fast forward to 36 hours after I got home. I was frustrated and upset that Balboa was not doing anything they had agreed to do. I was angry with myself for not being able to get them to do what they said they would do. I was telling myself all the things I needed to do to promote my book and in fact, I was making myself feel really bad. I was no longer in the flow, and I was miserable.
The beauty of the situation is the quick, intense contrast. I had to see that I was the only one making the difference. My inner dictator was making me feel really bad and when I was “on vacation” I did not put those demands on myself.
I decided to stay “on vacation” at home. I quit pushing myself around. I asked myself what I would like to do that day and I encouraged myself to stay in a state of delight. It was during that vacation period that the cardinal in my last post was able to be heard. I am still ” on a mental vacation”. And you know what? Things are still getting done, only I am enjoying doing them. It is the harsh voice in my head that made things so unpleasant. And I know I would never talk like that to anyone else. So for now, the vacation continues, and I am back to enjoying my life, playing and hearing my own inspiration and guidance. It is all good.
